7 ideas from the book “Love Isn’t Enough” – by Mark Manson
Love does not always equal compatibility Although it is possible to fall in love with someone who isn’t compatible with us, like someone who has different beliefs, goals, ambitions, and morals, just because you fall in love with them doesn’t mean they are a good fit for you long term. Trouble can also come in the form of falling in love with someone who doesn’t have the same respect for us as we do for them. These are some examples of love and compatibility, love is an emotional process and being compatible is a logical process.
Using your heart and your mind. When starting a loving relationship with someone you need to use your heart and your mind. Make sure you find someone that you can connect with on multiple levels; based on their values, how they treat themselves, how they treat others, their world views, and ambitions. If you fall in love with someone who doesn’t match up in these categories then, it isn’t going to be a great ride.
Love doesn’t solve a person’s relationship problems. You can be in a horrible relationship and if you depend on love alone you can end up in a relationship for years and years only for it to end. That can mean fighting every day tolerating disrespect and even abuse and then making up constantly after apologies only for it to collapse in the name of love. Love alone isn’t an excuse to stick through a toxic relationship.
Love isn’t always worth being a sacrifice. It’s normal to occasionally make sacrifices in relationships, but it can be self-defeating depending on what values you sacrifice. If you are willing to sacrifice things like integrity, character, beliefs, and standards, you can end up losing the very core of who you are. We often think outside of ourselves and our own needs to help take care of another’s needs as well, this is a characteristic trait in a loving relationship. It’s normal and also a big part of what makes love such a great thing.
The friendship test: You and your partner should be best friends, but would you tolerate unhealthy behavior in your best friend?
What is more important than love? The only way you can truly enjoy the love in your life is to make something else you enjoy more important than love.
Your self-respect dignity and your own ability to trust are non-negotiable, and you can’t put those at risk by being in a relationship or loving someone who doesn’t support those aspects of you. That’s how you lose yourself.
Remember this the only way you can truly enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love. You can fall in love with people that are good for you and bad for you, in healthy ways and in bad ways. Love is always available and love isn’t scarce, but your self-respect is so is your dignity and your ability to trust. If you lose your self-respect, your dignity, or your ability to trust it is very difficult to get back. Love is a wonderful experience and is one of the greatest experiences life has to offer, but it should not identify us and we shouldn’t sacrifice ourselves in the name of love.