I idolize you, maybe you have it all figured out after all. Mistake after mistake you continue to take risks and take chances and fail time and time again. Is it because you see a bigger picture in the practice of being human?
There’s discipline and getting up after you fall isn’t easy. You continue to try again until you have perfected the method of doing things in a way that truly works for you. You shape your morals and values off of those experiences and once you learn from them you are brave enough to fuck up again. Almost as if you are excited to learn something new about yourself. Your intention is never to hurt others but it’s unfortunate that you inevitably will, and when that does happen you somehow find the courage to admit your faults and summon the strength to apologize, time and time again.
I glance at you and see the sweet innocent child in your eyes even if it’s only for a split second. I know it’s there and you’re desperately trying to keep it safe. Through trial and error, you learn to offer more sincere apologies to yourself and to others. You are truly a reminder of what it’s like to be human; to make mistakes and learn how to take ownership and do better each time you do wrong. You aren’t broken, in fact, you are the opposite, you take the pieces of your existence and rearrange them to pieces that fit better, and pieces that make you feel more whole. You are a walking puzzle and you are becoming more visible to your truth one mistake at a time.
Who’s really judging you anyway? Why do you keep trying? I think the answers to those questions are what amaze me the most. You aren’t a victim, you keep your head high as you are judged by what you do wrong time and time again and yet you still never make excuses. I watch you, as I pretend to have it all figured out searching for my answers in books and through other people’s mistakes when here you are, right in front of me doing it all by yourself in the most authentic way possible.
I am proud of you and even though that may not sound like much, you are a reminder to live life recklessly and truly feel what this experience has to offer through pain, regret, and sadness you learn to live and appreciate the opposites with more pleasure and sincerity.
All judgment is a lie and it steals our ability to connect with others. Our brothers and our sisters are side by side continuing to fuck up and do better one mistake at a time.